学生习作评点：

TOPIC:

Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals. To what extend to you think the criminal is the production of human nature and can we stop the children to grow up to be criminals?

关于孩子从小的天性以及长大后犯罪的关系，问有没可能stop孩子的growth以阻止未来的犯罪。

THESIS:

Have you ever found that a lot of boys become criminals when they were forced out of schools? Have you ever seen that the parents’ behavior can affect their children? Have you ever felt that a benign environment is very important for children’s growth ? If you have the experience above mentioned, you may agree with my opinion that a child who will grow up to be a criminal due to the education which was given by our society especially his parents or primary school .For this reason, we can prevent the children to commit crimes by education.

第一段，该同学连续使用了三个疑问句，他的目的是想用这个方式引起考官的注意，但却忽略了雅思作文开头最重要要简单明了，另外在表达自己观点的时候出现了不少错误，如benign environment ----〉good environment; for children’s growth--à  in children’s development; agree with my opinion that ----à agree that 更简练；If you have the experience above mentioned, you may agree with my opinion that a child who will grow up to be a criminal due to the education which was given by our society especially his parents or primary school . ---à People may agree that the reason children become criminals later in life has its root in early education, especially that from parents or primary school. .  

这么修改以后感觉通顺清畅了不少，但是对于同学来讲，不要企图在第一段超出自己能力表达，或者强行翻译自己没有理顺的思路。

On one hand, education and the social experience is the safe guard for underage students to keep out of crimes. Some professors said that a person who have the experience of law study will have the fewer rate to become a criminal than other persons. Owing to the important about law education, schools should spend some time to teach laws to their students.

On one hand, education and the social experience is the safe guard for underage students to keep out of crimes.  On one hand, on the other hand是论证一个问题两个方面的表达。但是我们很多学生部分情况开头就用On one hand，则属于误用。该同学认为education和social experience 会阻止年轻学生犯罪。但在后面仅提到了法律教育一个方面，没有谈论social experience方面。一个更简练的主题句应该是 Education can be an effective way of keeping young people from committing crimes.

On the other hand, family should have the correct attitude on their children when they do something wrong. In particular, as a child have some foolish actions, we can not reproach him. Undoubtedly, we should point out his faults in a right way. How can we say it is useless? And can they grow up to be a criminals?  这两句好像和论证内容关系不大

Last but not the least, I make the following recommendation. Firstly, we should enhance the education for youth.. Apart from this, we can make the students to understand strength rather than weakness, conviction rather than doubt, decision rather than drift. Secondly, the society should invest more energy. In addition, the government should provide much money and do some contribution for young student going back to school and reunion with their parents.

整个这一段是说明自己认为解决儿童长大后犯罪的方法，但是题目本身并没有要求学生提出解决方案，所以应该调整这段的内容，否则可被视为走题。

To sum up. The scientists’ research that children will grow to be a criminal by the wrong behavior when they are 3 years old is one-sided. Clearly, we can help the young children to get a successful life and a colorful future by fit educations. How can we say it is terrible?

Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals.

To sum up. The scientists’ research that children will grow to be a criminal by the wrong behavior when they are 3 years old is one-sided. 这句改写后的意思不但不够清楚而且和原题本意出入较大。

a successful life and a colorful future 题目仅仅讨论犯罪问题，没有讨论人生是否成功多彩，所以要注意控制自己表达走题的问题。

这篇练习还有一个比较重要的问题，题目要我们谈论To what extend to you think the criminal is the production of human nature，而作者却没有涉及此方面。

最后，我指出的只是本篇作文整体的主要问题，这也是很多同学开始学习作文的普遍问题。评点里面指出了部分单词句型表达错误，其他错误请同学们自己思考和发现，此篇最多可得到5分。