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作文评解 V119
文章来源: 文章作者: 发布时间:2006-05-22 字体: [ ]

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习作不可以作为范文背诵,否则有可能得到非常低的分数,甚至零分

V119   Universities should accept/enrol equal numbers of male and female students for every subject.
Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

网友习作: 
Nowadays,the proportion of male and female students in some subjects of universities is not equal , and the male students often take a larger proportion in it .To the problem(?), some persons think that most subjects should not accept the balance numbers of male and female's. I am,and probably will always be ,one of those who argue that it is a sensible phenomenon(practice) that the balanced proportion exists in every subject.To support my ideas(viewpoint), I can take for the next following items.

BODY1
The most important reason is the improved position of the female. Traditionally,women were considered to do most of houseworks(housework) in the family. As a result, many universities give less priority to the female students .Now,the obvious change has spreaded(spread) in every section of the life.Females in most countries have gained the equal position comparing(compared)with the male.Without sex discrimination ,the feminism should involve the traditional system of education. Those curriculums more sex-oriented must be turned  into a new situation : it should provide the equal amount for female students. BODY2 Another equal point(?) is the excellent ability from female(s). Nowadays, women have shown their distinct
ablities in many fields, which are traditionally thought to only cater for the male. The female's advantages,such as the earnest and careful attitude(manners), can greatly benefit them in the competitions with male(s). For example, now,it appears many superb female scientists and politicans(many superb women have shown up on scientific and political arenas).To this modern fashion, I think that (the)university should change the unequal porportion in the subjects in case of leading to a(n) unfavorable situation.

However, some persons believe that a few of(deleted) subjects should belong to men and they can take them as own fields to be closed to females. To their ridiculous thoughts,I think that these male's subjects can be enrolled in few female students at first(?) . Gradually, time is the best facility that can tell those persons the correct answer.

To sum up, in the future, I believe that the porportion in some subjects of universities will be equal. The life will be magenificient(?) and develop to a hgher lever(?) because of the more and more
severe competition in every field from the two sexual persons.

评解:
得分:6减(考试中得6分)BODY2写得较好;BODY1和BODY3缺SPECIFIC。 语法功底不错,语言表达能力达6分。

要注意:
1、PROBLEM是要找出SOLUTION的;这不是PROBLEM,可用ISSUE,ISSUE可以DEBATE
2、每个BODY最好都有TOPIC SENTENCE(主题句),若没有或不知如何写,则在每个BODY结束前回应一下TOPIC,这样一来就不会偏离题目,而且在紧张的写作中迫使
自己紧紧围绕题目去展开。否则,会导致写出与TOPIC无关的内容或扯得太远;
3、ARGUMENTATION型最好在结论把自己的观点再阐述清楚,而且立场坚定。

BODY1来这样写(参考):
Equal numbers of male and female students for every subject can tear down sexual discrimination(topic sentence). Traditionally, women have been looked down and a greater proportion of fascinating places in society are reserved for men. This is because less females have received highly education as males have done. I believe this practice can increase the enrolment of women, and the overall situation of sexual discrimination will be lessened eventually.

CONCLUSION来这样写(参考):
To sum up, the policy of enrolling equal numbers of male and female students should be put forward into practice in every subject at every university.Such a practice can symbolize the truly fairness of society. 
        


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