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作文点评:如何强调一方批驳一方 (V108A)
文章来源: 文章作者: 发布时间:2006-05-22 字体: [ ]

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习作不可以作为范文背诵,否则有可能得到非常低的分数,甚至零分

V108
Many people believe that the government should not spend large amounts of money on building theaters and sports stadiums; instead, the money should be spent on medical/health care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there are many places of entertainment established in our public places, such as theaters and stadiums. These places usually cost government(s) a lot of money. However, should government(s) spend so much money on these places? In my opinion(point) of view, government(s) should invest much money on medical care or education, instead of entertainment.

One of (the)importance(important) reason(s) is that government(s) should give priority to the medical care and medical research. On one hand, in this society, lots of handicapped and patients have been suffering from ill(nesses). Those people will lose the self-confidence of living without the government's aid and the care of the society. On the other hand, there are a lot of diseases lead(ing) to people dead(people's deaths) in the world, but we don't know the reasons at all, such as AIDS or SARS which is the best popular contagious (+disease)at present. So, the authorities ought to spend money to set up medical care system and medical research for the satisfaction of each person's essential demands for survival.

Another reason is that it is important for the authorities to focus on education. According to the official statistics, nearly half of children in the rural regions are unable to finish their elementary education, and some of them fail to go to school because of lack of money. Therefore, the government should provide a part of revenue to educational institutions so that a perfect educational system will be established for every child's opportunity of being educated.

Last but not least reason is that people's concept of entertainment have already changed, traditional concourse of entertainment couldn't adapted(meet) people's new require(requirements) of relaxation, more and more items of relaxation could be selected, such as disco and amusement park. So, it is not necessary for the government to furnish(?) the theater and stadium.

Generally, medical care, education, instead of theater(s) and stadium(s), are the principle(principal) problem that the authorities shall solve(?) prior to the others by the effective utilization of the limited funds.  (杨倩)


点评:
这篇文章挺有代表性,得分:5。5至6减(实际考试为6分)

英语表达能力为6分。不足之处:
1、尽管BODY3说了一下反面,stadiums 或sports没怎么说;
2、Conclusion所说的东西不是problem,假如一定要"搞"出个problem,那可以这样写:
   All in all, a fair society should guarantee that no child is raised in illiteracy and no patient without money is rejected by the hospital. These are major problems in many developing countries, longing for considerable amounts of subsidy on education and health care. Therefore, I suggest that the agenda of building theaters or sports stadiums should be put aside.
3、写作手法不好,这种TOPIC按作者的观点应采用对比、反驳,否则没有完全符合TOPIC的要求。所以在每个BODY中应强调正方的重要性而批驳反方的观点。
比如说:
It is costly to build sports stadiums and the expenditure of maintenance is enormous. This kind of public sporting facilities can only meet a small number of people's needs. However, education and health care are essential organs of society......
然后再说出它们的重要性。


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